Nicole Can’t Win
What hope is there for the rest of us?
Harajuku Girls.
That was my first thought when I saw the new Vanity Fair cover with a 54-year-old Nicole Kidman wearing a tiny Miu Miu skirt and bra top.
It looked like something you’d see on a teenage girl in Japan, along the Harajuku Road, a look that Gwen Stefani made more mainstream back in 2004.
My next thought was, ‘What have they done to her face?’
Was it airbrushing, or does Nicole’s face illustrate the treatments that a 50+ actress in Hollywood must endure if she wants to keep working?
I hated that I noticed.
Nicole looks long and lean – as she always has. The tiny skirt shows off her thin legs and the bra top flaunts her taut and toned abs.
But she is a talented, Award-winning actress.
Why is she being displayed like a coquettish school girl auditioning to be in Britney’s …Baby One More Time video?
Nicole could have been photographed in a beautiful gown or piece of couture.
But it wouldn’t have gotten people talking.
So the stylists and editors went this route.
Nicole has enough power that she probably could have refused or insisted on something else.
But she also knows that being talked about is important to staying relevant.
And showing you’ve still ‘got it’ is probably a good message to send to the men running most studios.
So why does this image bother me?
It’s not about age
Miu Miu, not surprisingly did not choose a ‘mature’ woman to model this look in their Spring 2022 collection.
They chose Hailey Bieber, a 25-year-old model.
Let me stress this: I don’t think Nicole Kidman is ‘too old’ to wear the outfit. It’s not her age that bothers me.
The reaction I felt was similar to when I saw Dua Lipa scantily clad on the cover of Rolling Stone last year, and Britney Spears (in 1999 and again in 2003).
I cringed the same way I did in 2010 when GQ had Glee’s Lea Michele (the star of a show that was popular with teenagers) posing seductively with a lollipop and her legs wide open.
It’s not unusual to sexualize women (and girls).
In fact, it’s done to death.
People do it because it sells.
I get that.
My issue with the photo is the message it sends to women, young girls, and society.
Images like Nicole’s emphasize that we live in a society that values youth, thinness, and a narrow definition of beauty.
And my frustration is that the messages we send to women haven’t evolved much in my lifetime.
I grew up with the media telling me not to grow old gracefully, but to ‘fight it every step of the way.’
And this is the message the media, fashion, and beauty industry continue to tell women with a billion-dollar ‘wellness’ industry.
Nicole’s image stayed with me, and felt more concerning as I considered it alongside other stories I’ve read this week.
There was the story of former supermodel Linda Evangelista, now 56, speaking about her “cosmetic procedure nightmare” that left her “permanently deformed” and “brutally disfigured.”
“Why do we feel the need to do these things [to our bodies]?” she asks.
Then there’s 57-year old actress Courteney Cox, whose beauty and body first went under the microscope in the 1990s when she was starring on Friends.
She spoke to the UK Sunday Times last week about the scrutiny she faced over the years – both from the media and herself.
“There was a time when you go, ‘Oh, I'm changing. I'm looking older.’ And I tried to chase that [youthfulness] for years,” she said.
“And I didn't realize that, oh shit, I'm actually looking really strange with injections and doing stuff to my face that I would never do now.”
And for those women who don’t retain their youth, they will be judged, criticized, and shamed.
Take what happened to Bridget Fonda.
The actress and 90s darling was in the news last month for committing the grave sin of …not looking like her 25-year-old self.
The headlines declared in all caps that she was “UNRECOGNIZABLE” as the media published side-by-side images of her from 2022 and 1997.
She wasn’t promoting a movie or doing anything newsworthy.
She was ‘braving the day’ in ‘comfy’ sweatpants.
One publication noted her ‘slip-on New Balance sneakers’ and ‘hair in a scrunchie’ were a ‘dramatic departure from her once ultra glamorous image.’
Bridget Fonda had committed the worst crime a female celebrity can commit.
She aged.
Why does it matter?
What concerns me is not just what this says about society, but what messages these images send to girls and women.
They grow up seeing a narrow definition of beauty – and the importance of looking youthful at all costs.
It puts pressure on them to do all kinds of things to their body and face to obtain (or continue to meet) a certain standard.
It wrecks their self-esteem and self-worth.
And it suggests that the most interesting or newsworthy thing about a woman is her appearance.
The media isn’t talking about the number of acting awards Nicole has won, or her evolution as an actor.
They aren’t praising her for her career accomplishments.
They’re talking about how she looks.
She’s simultaneously judged for getting older and rewarded for not looking like it.
The model Paulina Porizkova, who at 56 is speaking openly about accepting and appreciating our bodies, said:
“It's really freaking hard to be a woman.”
“And it's really freaking hard to be a woman over 50.”
And if not ageing is the standard of beauty we put on the pedestal and reward, it will only get harder.
There will be more airbrushed photos like Nicole’s.
And more stories of women with Courtney and Linda’s regrets.
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Beth Collier helps companies, leaders and teams improve their communication, creativity, and leadership through consulting, coaching, and workshops.
She brings her clients global corporate experience, Midwestern practicality and enthusiasm – and an endless supply of pop culture references.
To find out how she can help you become a more confident, creative, and compelling leader or improve communication in your company, visit www.beth-collier.com or drop her a line at beth@beth-collier.com
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